The "freshness factor" indeed!

Jason mother-freaking Mraz!

No words can describe my euphoric state at his concert in Austin- yes, I paid about $250^[1] to drive to Austin for one night to see the man. My life is almost complete! I will leave you with these images courtesy of my concert buddy, Sarah, and wonderful videos- we split duties.

^[1] Don't judge me!! It's Jason Mraz!!! He made Wordplay!

I found the reason

my father chose to move us to the United States.

Photo Credit: I don't really give a damn because I'm too happy!!!

America, F*** Yeah!

"If a Muslim woman strapped with a bomb on a bus with the seconds running gives you the jitters, just imagine an American-based Christian organization planning to poison water supplies to bring the Second Coming quicker."
- Lupe Fiasco

Ebay is crack

Every bid is like shooting up and getting that crazy high that leaves you paralyzed with euphoria. I don't really know what it's like to win mostly because I do it just to see how high the max bid has gone ^[1]. I have a feeling that if I did win, I would

1. Punch my fist in the air in a decleration of my victory
   
2. Beat my chest in a way slightly reminiscent of Tarzan
   
3. Begin running circles around the room
4. Shudder at the fact that I am a sad human being and spent all that time watching an item
5. Start panicking because I just spent a crapload of money
6. Shrug my shoulders because it is not my money
7. Change my facebook status to reflect my current state of emotions

...in that order.
That being said, I have just made my first serious bid and will basically

1. Cry and wallow in my misery
2. Die in a corner

...if I don't win the item. This will be even worse than the time [insert really bad memory here]^[2].

UPDATE: I GOT IT!!!! JASON MRAZ IN AUSTIN!!! WOOT WOOT!!!

^[1] ...and because I was flat broke at the time.
^[2] I don't really have that many bad memories because I have lived a wonderful life.

Q

I had the honor to be in the presence of the great Quincy Jones last week and the impossible happened- as soon as he stepped on stage, I bolted out of my seat and began clapping furiously as if demanding an encore of his entrance. Then my eyes began to fog up and I had the urge to hug the person next to me and cry like a baby. I have no idea what brought about this sudden rush of emotions... It must be the Q.

What should have been...

I was flipping through my journal and found the most ridiculous example of "what should have been" in there. Just so you can have a lovely taste of exactly how happy I was only to have my heart publicly ripped out, stomped on, and kicked to the curb.Three years of excitement right there...

Sept. 29, 2008 (Right after the Electric Touch/ Airborn Toxic Event/ Fratellis concert, contemplating the greatness that will be The Kooks)
"More concert goodness on Thursday! The Kooks shall invade the HoB with all their Brighton madness. It is like legalized looting where they steal my heart and take it with them. Oh yes, I made that comparison. I wonder if they will play any of their B-side songs.... I know one thing for sure, the only question that will be asked this Thursday is 'Do you wanna?'"

... If you don't think that was on the brink of madness, at one point I say "I feel like Jesus feeding all those people with five loaves of bread and two fish" in reference to me introducing some people to the Kooks' existance.
Imagine my disappointment when they just exited stage left and the curtains closed with 45 mins left to play. Imagine waiting three years for no encore, no goodbye, no "THANK YOU DALLAS!!!"

Wankers!

But before that point I was jamming for real as evidenced by this video. I forgot I was holding my phone that's why it's so shaky. Check out 3:30 how Luke was freaking pointing at me! I almost shat my pants... ok not really but I was pretty damn excited.

On the other hand... the ET/Airborn/Fratellis concert was BRILLIANT! The end...

Atletico handed a red

Atletico Madrid have been hit with a stadium ban for their next two home Champions League games because of racism ^[1]. This is a good thing right? UEFA have been pretty linient with their fines (see entire history of anti-racism campaign). Racism is the birthmark on the backside of football and these sanctions match the severity of the issue. So why am I not jumping up and down with joy that they have been "OWNED" by UEFA?
First of all, the Atletico v. Marseilles game was a month ago. Does it take that long to determine what is racist behavior? Or is it the severity of the punishment that was a month in the making? I'm pretty sure it only takes about a minute to think of a stadium ban.
Secondly, Atletico will be playing "at a venue at least 300 kilometers ^[2] from Madrid." many fans have already booked accomodations in Madrid. Will they compensate the fans for this? I mean this is just ridiculous!
Finally, as much as I love this "no racism" talk, must they ruin Fernando Torres' return to Atletico? To say that his return was much-anticipated would be the understatement of the year and now it is gone to shit.

"His armband proved he was a red..."

^[1] Those Spanish fans really need to get a hold of themselves. You can't get rid of the negros by exhibiting such behavior... it comes back to bite you in the arse. Tell me why I love Spain so much? Oh right their national team. *sigh*
^[2] For my Amurricans, this is a little over 186 miles (10 miles less than Dallas-Austin). Conclusion: Pretty damn far for a game you could walk to.

Oh what's that? Another gold? Pish posh.

The USA 4 x 200m freestyle relay team DESTROYED the former world record by 4.68 seconds to take the gold. Phelps started off the relay, giving them a disgustingly huge lead. I was hoping for some drama like the 4 x 100m free relay but this was acceptable (*sigh*). Ryan Lochte ^[1] took over, keeping up the huge margin set by Phelps. He was followed by Ricky Berens and Peter Vanderkaay anchored the race.

...Russia took silver and Australia got the bronze. I know that was less than enthusiastic but there are more important things going on here than celebrating the motherland or the land down under.

This gold medal cemented Phelps as the GREATEST OLYMPIAN OF ALL TIME!

^[1] Dear God, Thank you for bringing this man into my life... even if it is through the magic of HD TV. I still appreciate it.

If you're not first, you're last

Ara Abrahamian decides the bronze isn't good enough for him and throws^[1] it to the ground at the awards ceremony in protest of the way his match was scored. A little stupid if you ask me. He vows to quit the sport because he considers not winning a gold "a failure." Well... I know at least one person who will be satisfied with a bronze medal^[2].
Anyway, I don't think the sporting world will be missing someone special if Ara quits. Who in their right mind disrespects the Olympic institution by throwing away a medal. Way to go, you ruined the rest of the ceremony for the other athletes.
To his defense, there was definitely something wrong with the scoring. These kinds of incidences have been very common during these Olympics. Perhaps this was his way of bringing to light the possibility of corruption at these games. However, there is a whole other way to go about things (see: Yang Tae-young vs. Paul Hamm).

He would have made Ricky Bobby proud.

^[1] Actually, he gingerly placed it on the mat.
^[2] Contact kfarah@smu.edu for more information.

OH MY PHELPS!

Yawn... another gold. Photo by Reuters.

He is now the greatest Olympian of all time and broke yet another world record. Oh and he did it with his eyes full of water. Yep... he can do this with his eyes closed. I really don't have much to say after this. I bow down to the greatness that is Michael Phelps.

I would like to take a moment to thank everyone that made it possible for me to watch this in HD. It was sheer bliss.

The Chinese are not human!

It is official! I have come to the conclusion that the Chinese are in fact robots.
First that opening ceremony then the CRAZINESS in gymnastics and diving? Those people are perfection personified. I wonder what happens when they make a mistake? I'm sure the government has a hand in choosing their punishment. But seriously, these guys are made of something else other than flesh and bone.


The Chinese Men's gymnastics team went on to crush their opponents in the team competition, grabbing the gold from a visibly "off" Japanese team. USA got the bronze after a killer routine from Alexander Artemev on the pommel horse that saved them a spot on the podium.

Random African craziness

I'm not so sure whether to be proud of my people for this or hang my head in shame at the measures they will take to cheat immigration systems in Africa. I would like to point out that immigration doesn't actually exist on that continent. Many countries would like to think they have very tight border security when in actuality, the border consists of a gate with a sign on the side saying "Welcome to (insert name here)." This gate is surrounded by miles of unguarded land, making it useless unless you are in a vehicle.

This all sounds well and good but what if you have been denied a visa to a country? A normal human being would just avoid said country and go somewhere else instead yes?
NO!
Not my people! Not hard-headed Africans who think every government is out to get them. You see, they have been conditioned after years of corruption to believe that this is only a way for the government to get more money from them. As long as they have a visa to a country bordering their ideal destination, all they need is a reliable cyclist, a few (insert currency) to pay the cyclist, and a little luck to cross the border. Once on the other side, they can board a bus and head on home. I know what you are thinking: there should be some security on a border... perhaps one in the form of a uniformed person with a nice shiny badge on their chest. Sure there are cops there... but African cops are lazy. They would rather bother the travelers within their reach instead of chasing down someone on a bike. Everyone is happy!
...well everyone except the government that now houses an illegal immigrant.
I have heard many success stories touting this form of travel as highly inexpensive and efficient. Sadly, I have not had the opportunity to try it out myself because I am an African who plays by the rules and have not been denied a visa as of yet.

Holy Mother of Olympics

Did you catch that 4x100 freestyle relay?
Oh come on... the one where ze French CHOKED on their words?
The one where Jason Lezak swam a 46.0 anchor leg... aka the FASTEST split in HISTORY!
The one where the US team SHATTERED the world record?
Or maybe this rings a bell...

Michael Phelps celebrates the win in hulk-like fashion

Oh yessir I'm damn proud to be American. Hail to the red white and blue and all that. Speaking of red white and blue... how about them Frenchies? What happened to "we will smash them" Alain Bernard?
Also, I would like to point out Cullen Jones, who is the first African American to hold/share a world record in swimming and is the second African American to make the US swim team. There goes that "black people don't swim" stereotype. Sadly, these events are all about Michael Phelps so you won't get the glory you deserve. Either way, you make us (black folk) proud!

Let me halt my celebrations because for a second there I thought the French had it. I thought Lezak couldn't possibly put it away that late in the game. That was until dude came in on the kill like a bloody shark chasing down a sea lion. Have you seen anything so amazing? This could beat the excitement of the Spain winning the Euro cup (yes I said it!).
Enjoy your silver Bernard, it would have tasted sweeter if you didn't talk so much trash.

Oh and just in case you live in a hole and don't know what is going on with Michael Phelps, this is his second gold in these Olympic games. He has six more individual events to go in his quest for eight gold medals.

PS: Why doesn't he have an awesome nickname? Seriously, my blog is lacking without the flare of an awesome nickname for Phelps. If Ian Thorpe("The Thorpedo") and Pieter van den Hoogenband ("The Flying Dutchman") have pretty cool nicknames, why doesn't Phelps. Since I am on the subject of Thorpe, I must mention that he thinks it is "impossible" for Phelps to win eight gold medals in the Beijing Olympics. Will he eat his words as Bernard did? I really like Thorpe... I wouldn't want to loose respect for him. Then again, I want to see if it is possible.

Living the Dream

I know this is late but whatever.
I don't pay that much attention to basketball with the exception of the occasional game but even I will put aside my sports bias for the USA vs China Men's basketball game.
Before I start, I would like to mention that I underestimated exactly how big Kobe Bryant is in Beijing and I'm not talking about his size in comparison to his fans. Anywhere he is, there is a fan-mob surrounding him, asking for autographs and going crazy with their cameras. The only reason I find this odd is that if I saw Kobe walking on the street, I wouldn't run to him screaming like a raving lunatic ^[1]. For example, the crowd's reaction when his image was shown on a large screen during the opening ceremony was HUGE. To say that they went wild would be an understatement and basically an insult to his greatness. Perhaps the best example I can give would be when he was bombarded by fans on his way to the his seat during a USA vs Czech Republic women's basketball game ^[2]. I especially love how the security factor was eliminated by the hoards of Chinese in his face. He needs new bodyguards.
The game was fantastic! The Chinese team put up a lovely showing during the first 15 minutes. It went downhill from there when the 'Redeem Team' smothered China defensively and just shattered the board. I really liked how the Chinese fans stuck with their team though, celebrating after every shot as if they won the gold. How often do they get to watch their team at home during an Olympic game?

That sums the game up quite nicely, I think. Lebron goes up for a SPECTACULAR dunk.

I think Kobe should forget about that whole playing in Europe for $50 million a year and just go play in China. I'm pretty sure they will be willing to put up the money for his transfer. He could then start his quest for total world domination from there since he is more popular than their current leader. Yep... I think that is a pretty solid plan.

^[1] I would casually throw myself at him and dramatically faint.
^[2] ...Poor Czech Republic. Quelle désastre.

Not so secret ninja skill #1

I bake!
Yes... it is true.
I have the ability to soften people's hearts and lighten moods with my tasty treats. If you need a reference to the magnitude of my skills, see Ma-Ti aka "Heart," the planeteer from Captain Planet ^[1]. Okay so "Heart" was the one where people went "WTF is Heart?" I must admit, I was one of those people until I realized that Heart is considered Captain Planet's soul. Plus he has a kick-ass monkey. So there!

^[1] Another reason why the 90's were amazing! I find it funny that Captain Planet had a green mullet. According to stereotypes, people with mullets don't exactly go around preaching global preservation. But then again, the 90's were a progressive time in which people were trying to break out of stereotypes so I'll just go with that.
"Captain Planet, he's our hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero!"

You think he is the one...

...but the kid is not his son! I'm really hoping you get the musical reference here because I will be thoroughly disappointed (oooh *shudder*) if you don't recognize this greatness^[1]:


Please tell me why I should care about an ex-politician's sexploits? Furthermore, please tell me why everyone is surprised he cheated on his wife with that Camilla look-alike (seriously, she looks like Camilla in her raving days...if those even existed back then). Former Senator Edwards was too good to be true with his perfect smile and hair and pretty good looking face. K saw right through that, right through his "let's do it for Darfur" message. Okay that last part was mostly because I am naturally suspicious of politicians who use Africa as part of their campaign strategy. I must hand it to the dude, he managed to out douche himself with the "sure I cheated on my terminally ill wife...but the kid is not my son." Kudos for not sperminating the woman I guess (you know that kid is his!).
Con-damns 1- 0 Sperm

Flashback to 1998 when a similar story actually mattered because the man was EFFIN PRESIDENT!!! Our scandal standards have been seriously lowered since the glory days. What does Edwards do again?

This is just another on a long list of things that I could care less about but CNN just doesn't get the message. Why must they torture me this way?

^[1] So it is from the 80's... I would love to say that the 80's were amazing but I'm a 90's baby dammit! Give me a break! I can't limit myself to white Michael. HE MADE THRILLER!!!

That's Hot!

Wow... for once, I want to give Paris props. That was hilarious!

Momma said knock you out.

My mother was right when she told me to watch my back, that people would only give me lip service (ok get your mind out of the gutter, ya nasty!). By that she means, that people will always say one thing to your face, and go ahead and say something else behind your back. Naturally, I didn't pay much attention because I thought this was human nature- people lie. So why was she telling me something I already knew? Momma didn't want me to be shocked when it happened. But I still feel crushed when it happens, like someone effortlessly killed the lion I was tracking all day ^[1]. That after all that time and dedication to a subject, all of a sudden your relationship is gone.
I have 3 friends ^[2] that I would trust with everything, 3 friends who I could tell anything. I know what you want to say, should you list your friends in order of importance? I never did that because I wanted to give everyone a level playing field ^[3]. I didn't want to value anyone more than the other because I thought everyone enriched my life in some way. Why are they any different? They never killed my lion. I am cautious of loyalties because I never think they work. But if I was loyal to anyone, they would have to be the ones. Sure, I have a few other "friends" that I share my life with but even they have aimed for my lion. Some have even surprised me with their ability to hide behind bushes and go for the kill, making me doubt my spear chucking skills.
Which brings me to another lesson my mother taught me: knock them the fuck out! keep your enemies close, real close <sup>[4]/.

[1] I'm actually in no way an advocate of lion hunting. This was just a comparison.
[2] Friends outside family: not including cousins, "cousins", family friends, or in anyway attached to my family.
[3] Look at me making it seem like people are vying for my friendship, like they care. Way to make yourself feel important!
[4] ...dun dun dun!</sup>

Lyrical sign of the apocalypse

The content of mainstream music has gone down so much that I find myself just turning off the radio mid-commute and listen to the sound of the road instead. I admit that sometimes the beat overrides the lyrics so much that I just jam to whatever comes on. This is until I start listening to the words instead of the infectious rhythm and realize that the people Michael and the USA for Africa crew were singing about (See We are the World aka the song I used to tear up to because I thought the world really cared about Africa) are responsible for the fall of society.

Lyrical sign of the apocalypse:
Hotstylz: Lookin Ass Nigga
I'm not so sure whether to view it as a pretty good diss song but I'll go with my first impression of it and say WTF. This sneaky punk almost had me thinking it was ok with some of the references-more specifically the Harry Potter ( "alohamora ole Harry Potter lookin ass nigga"). But the extreme coonery of the song trumped that and left me shaking my head in disbelieve that I wasted 3+ minutes of my life listening to it and contributing to such negro nonsense.

All was well though when I got home and detoxed with some Lupe.

Friends in my head

My friends and I are celebu-stalkers. It is true, we follow their lives more than our family's, referencing them by their first names or nicknames even though we don't really know them personally, and playing 6-degrees of separation just so we can feel closer to them (heck yes I know Fernando Torres via two people!!!). It is also true that we know where some of said celebrities live. I have no idea why we glorify these people, most of them professional clothes wearers who really have no talent other than looking so damn fine. Others I love just because they are so damn gifted--sometimes too talented (See James McAvoy and Lupe Fiasco). Then there are those I love to hate (see Cristiano Ronaldo). Finally, there are those who are friends in my head.
First, let me explain the concept of a friend in your head: It is a person you don't know directly but think you would be really good friends with them if you did. Don't start judging now because I know you have thought about this more than once. We are all friends here... at least in my head we are.

So here is a list of some my friends in my head

• Ed Westwick: He is just so suave, so cool, so complimentary to my style lol. He just doesn't seem to give a damn, much like me. The only problem I would have with this dude is that he is a supposed Chelsea F.C fan and as a Liverpool fan, I don't know how this would go down. Game days would be interesting though.
• Christopher Mintz-Plasse: If he is anything like his claim to fame, McLovin, Chris would be a damn good addition to my crew in my head.
• Leighton Meester: from what I gather in her interviews, this chick is hilarious. Not to mention she has good style and everyone needs a friend with style.
  
• Kevin Jonas: ...because the other two don't cut it lol.
• Shia LaBeouf: A negro loving white guy. Who doesn't want that in their entourage? Plus he is a member of Cardboard City which includes, Head Automatica. Oh and how could I forget the humor. If he is good enough for Steven he is good enough for me.

• Jason Mraz: He's skinny but fat full of rhymes. That video has to be one of my fav Mraz moments.
• Lupe Fiasco: Luuu! Who doesn't want a friend that can flow like Lu? I mean he just reeks of cool and he knows it- he named his album "The Cool." As most of the people close to me know, shoes are kind of a big deal to me and Lupe KNOWS shoes. I mean his style is nearly flawless. Above are the shoes he and Dr. Romanelli designed for Converse- are they not beautiful?
  
• Craig Ferguson: I LOL every single time I watch his show. Somewhere between his accent and crazy antics I realized, I would love some Craig in my life.

• Dave Chappelle: It is hard to believe but some people have never watched this cat in action and I must say it is a damn shame! But if you have, you know he is a genius- a comical genius. That video brings me to my next person...
  
• Mos Def: don't get me started on him. He is perfection personified (See movie: Something the Lord Made).
  
• Andre 3000: He has a number in his name and can pull it off unlike some people (See 50 cent). What more can you ask for?
• The Arctic Monkeys: All of them.
  
• Peter Crouch: I love this man even though he doesn't play for Liverpool anymore (bitches for letting him go).
• Rupert Grint: God sent down a blessing in the form of a ginger.
  
• M.I.A.
• Tyra: She is fierce!

• Bon Qui Qui: Don't start with that whole "Bon qui qui is not real" BS. We all know a Bon qui qui. Why do I wan't a Bon qui qui in my faux entourage? Because she is not afraid to CUT you.
  
• Vivica A. Fox: If Bon qui qui was real, she would be Vivica.
  
• Tia Mowry: I just can't put my finger on it but I love this girl (in a totally non "I kissed a girl and I liked it" way).
• Neil Patrick Harris: (See Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blogs)

• Brangelina and their mini United Nations: I gotta have them. They are just too perfect for words. My only problem is the way they treat that poor child Zahara- get the girl a damn black hairstylist! Having her hair looking like that everywhere you go. It's a damn shame! You have money, get her hair did!
• Janet Jackson: She is just so damn nice isn't she. Always polite, always sweet, always put together. I need that in my faux-entourage- she would be the equivalent to my bff Emy.
  
• Kal Penn: Because everyone needs a funny brown man in their crew. Kal is my man. He proved himself in the Harold and Kumar films.
• John Krasinski: no words.

• Brett and Jermaine of Flight of the Conchords: Because everyone should have the fourth most popular guitar-based, digi-bongo, acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo in their crew.
• Sascha Baron Cohen
• Santogold: So I can borrow her jackets.
• Wyclef Jean: A friend with a message.
  
• Kat Williams: If there was anyone who could convince me that smoking the ganja was good for you ("Hungry, happy, sleepy...those are the side effects") on the basis that "it is a plant...it just grow," it would be Kat. Plus he voices A Pimp Named Slickback (yes you have to say the whole thing...even the "A Pimp" part) on The Boondocks. He has exposed the horrors of "Chronic Bitch Dependency," something the world needs to know about.
  

• Riley Freeman: So he is a cartoon... anything goes in my faux entourage people! I don't discriminate. Riley AKA Young Reezy is Thug Life at it's best. He has a fair amount of criminal knowledge, which would make him a welcome entry to my crew. He also doesn't discriminate..."based on gendaah." He uses "bitches" as a general term for women, not specific women. Plus, anyone that refers to Santa as a "bitch ass nigga" is alright with me. Telling children to believe in that crap is just cruel.
  

• Thugnificent: While I'm on this Boondocks run, I might as well talk about Thugnificent. Hell, the video above speaks for itself. Like me, he "likes to invest in the arts, and invest in himself."

[I promise that is the last of the YouTube videos... don't want to go on overload here even though I think I just might have]

• The creators of Potter Puppet Pals: ...ok more like the potter puppet pals themselves. I would love a spontaneous chorus of puppets somewhere in my crew.
  
• Amanda Bynes: She's the man!
• Sergio Ramos: I needed a Spanish addition to my crew. I know you probably thought I would chose Fernando Torres in a heartbeat, and I really would like to put him in my entourage but I'd rather not want to sex up my friends. So Sergio Ramos is a safe bet: he seems pretty hilarious and is a damn good footballer.
  
• Captain Jack Sparrow: Do I need to explain this one? Really? Really?
  
• Zach Efron: I need someone to do my makeup and make sure it is spot on if I decide to start caring about what I look like.
• Wall-E: All he has to do is say his name to be awesome.
  

...I'm getting lazy now so I'll just stop here. I shall resume this post at a later date.
Who would you like in your faux-entourage?

If love is a drug, I guess we're all sober.

I must admit, I'm not the best advocate of love out there- I usually scoff at various signs of affection and generally don't surround myself with people who "bleed rainbows and sunshine" as someone so eloquently put it. But I have just realized how much I value the small percentage of people I know who do find joy in things other than people's misery.
I was listening to Nerina Pallot's "Everybody's gone to war" (aka my pseudo anthem for the past 3 years) and I thought to myself, do I have to be so damn cynical about life, love, and happiness in general? I would love to answer yes in a heartbeat but a part of my is wondering what it is like to think everything is a skittles commercial. Then again, I have spent most of my life being the sarcastic love-hater and don't really want to let go of that so easily.

A significant amount of my day is spent on YouTube (don't start judging because I know you definitely have spent more than one hour on there on occasion) but I never really found the need to read the comments until recently. So between my daily intake of Justin Nozuka, I found time for my other O. Lover Jason Mraz and for the first time, I know what some of my friends feel like when I hate on the Jonai . On one of the Geek in the Pink's videos, a lovely comment was made that made me go "WTF! But he is amazing!"

"What's that pretentious, whiny sound I'm hearing...sounds like a woman with a stomach injury...oh it's Jason Mraz...
go ahead you granola-munching, avocado-raising psuedo jamaican peace farmers - throw a fit..."

Now you must imagine my confusion because I have no idea what is wrong with being a "granola-munching, avocado-raising, pseudo jamaican peace farmer." Hell, I would love to be one... or be with one lol. I spent a good 5 minutes reading this comment over and over again, thinking... 'this is exactly what I say about the Jonai, except for the whole "granola-munching, avocado-raising, pseudo Jamaican peace farmer" thing' (because we all know they are not cool enough to pull that off in their tight pants). To my defense, I have given them props for writing their stuff and for their style on occasion, I only make fun of my friends' love for little boys. Anyway, for someone who loves Mr. Wordplay so much, I should be able to "live high, live mighty." So this is to my two biggest Jonas-loving friends, I have decided to refrain from my Jonas bashing so you don't have to go through what I did when reading that comment (yes it was that bad... I still don't understand it. He made Curbside Prophet!!! Jamon!). You still need help though... how about liking grandpa-Jonas (KJ) instead of baby-Jonas (NJ)?

No?

Ok...

American Terrorist

[...the following might jeopardize my status as a potential American citizen. So if any member of the FBI, CIA, or any Intelligence organization happens upon this, I would like to say, "Jay-Kay!"]

...the jokes about my "legal alien" status are about to be over- sorry Eric. I'm not so sure how I feel about surrendering my Kenyan passport for the American one but according to one of the exam questions, "it is a privilege" so I'm just gonna roll with that for now.
Basically, I think of this as one of my infiltration schemes (more on those later). I have penetrated the American system, gained its trust, and now I am becoming one of them. Unfortunately, I sealed my fate when I answered yes to "are you ready to bear arms to protect the United States?" Clearly I am far from being war ready, although I believe I have the potential to be extremely trigger happy when put in the right situations. I am also a damn good spy... so in the event that a universal draft is ordered, I am willing to trade information about my people (the Somalis) that will blow your mind in return for immunity from military service. For example: the Somalis love their bananas so if you control the banana trade in Somalia, you can basically topple their society, cause havoc, and thus get revenge for that embarrassing blemish in your military record. I guess that would be called being a damn good snitch, but either way, I know stuff lol. However, if the Amurricans decide they want to expand their holy/oil war to include the rest of the Muslim world I won't trade my Qur'an for a gun. I might just have to pull a Muhammad Ali and say "I ain't got no problems with no Moos-leems." Sadly, I will probably be a lowly citizen with hardly as much influence in the country as Ali has so there will be no R. Kelly song sang about me. Then again, Kelly will have already touched the sky by then...

A painted smile

Realized that the whole time it wasn't real, the smile on my face. Nothing but a façade, covering the mess I have created. Can't see the pain it has caused, can't see the lies it has masked. It has been on for so long, I don't know the difference anymore. But not so sure I am willing to let go of its comforts. Afraid it won't be long before they realize I have been missing. What do you do when you don't want to be found?
I keep looking for answers to my questions when I know exactly where to find them. Just avoiding the truth. There are worse things I could do.

...That was my feeble attempt at putting together the thoughts that plague my mind right now.

Listening to: Oh Lately It's So Quiet- Ok Go

As if I needed another reason

...to love Spain even more. That is one lucky country: Euro Cup last week and now Rafa has won Wimbledon. WHAT IS THIS!!!
Anyway, that match was EPIC. Every minute, minus the rain delay, was nothing short of amazing. I only wish I could have heard him speak more Spanish in his interviews because the man was clearly struggling. I could tell he just wanted to burst out in his native tongue to express his emotion but he was confined to the Germanic prison of the English language.

"It is a dream to play on this court, but to win I never imagined something like this- so very happy. Thank you very much everybody."

Now imagine how beautiful that would have sounded en Español. I would have gladly "freetranslation.com-ed" that ho. I am seriously considering changing my focus from French to Spanish. I have always been good at the accent and thanks to Shakira y Alejandro Sanz, can sing along very well to various songs lol.
These are things I have to ponder. As of now, my Spanish playlist is on heavy rotation and I am doing everything within the scope of my imagination to make it seem like I am not in Tejas. Although it helps that this place was formerly Spanish ground.

Viva España!

Just another reason why I should live in Spain

I told you PODEMOS!

Sometimes I wonder why my father chose to move us to the US of A...

46664

As important as those numbers are, it is a wonder why I still have to explain what they mean to some people. But what sucks more is when I have to tell people who Nelson Mandela is. Now that is a name that shouldn't be forgotten.

466-64

All over town...

The word is that The Kooks are coming stateside again...
Why is this important?
BECAUSE THEY WILL BE IN THE DF-DUB!!!!
Oct. 2nd, 2008!

Save the date people!
So I have one question for you...
"Do you wanna?"

I have perfected the art of celebration!

It looks a little something like this...

...ok that last one had too much hottness to pass up.

In case you live in some kind of bubble and don't already know this...

SPAIN IS IN THE FINALS!!!!

and they did it wearing yellow... I mean, "mustard."

SI PODEMOS BITCHES!!!

oh and photos belong to getty images... in case you missed the nice "getty images" tag on them.

Islam as a disease...

I was born Islam positive. I never realized I was living with a disease until I moved to the US of A. You see, in Kenya it wasn't such a big deal being a Muslim. It was widely accepted and it was not unnatural to encounter many like me. On my first day of school, the American children welcomed me as one of their own, some even reaching out to touch me as if nothing was wrong. They were not afraid of my disease. One Tuesday, a few suffering from a mutant strain of Islam decided to change history and the way many living with the disease were viewed over the world.
The hijab I wore for a year previously no longer veiled my head alone. It covered an entire nation with ignorance and contempt for my people. Some saw it as a challenge. I knew things would be different but it finally sank in when my teacher pulled me aside and handed me a pass.

"Please allow this student to leave class five minutes early."

A few days ago, it would have been something I held with pride, my ticket to freedom. That day, I shoved the bold red pass into my backpack without giving it a second look. I didn't want their charity. An incident would change my mind about it and in the weeks that followed, that pass became my friend. It throbbed in my pocket as the minutes winded down to the end of class. I would give the teacher a quick flash of the red emblem and darted out of the room. That is how I spent seventh grade, afraid.
I was not the only one-- it seems like the country went into mass hysteria because they were afraid of my disease. They merged both mutant strains of Islam and mine together, they saw no difference in our symptoms. So here I was, 11 years old, with a target on my face and a bounty on my head. All because the name of my doctor sounds different from theirs, and despite the fact that He is in the same profession.
The target has faded but the bounty remains.

"I only fear God
Know the weapons of the weak
The weakness of the hard"
-Lupe Fiasco (The Emperor's Soundtrack)

...and the argument continues.

Ice-T replies to Soulja Boy's "reply"

Well he pretty much ended that. This has got to be the lamest excuse for a "beef."

Viva España!!!

My boys did it again!
They beat the Italians (effin wankers I swear!)

OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE!!!!!!
Celebrations!!!

Man of the match: Iker Casillas.
SPAIN ARE THROUGH TO THE SEMIS!!! AAAAAH!

AP Photo

"If you think it's dead... SAVE IT! REVIVE IT!"

"I respect you but... you ugly as f***, you old as f***!"
hahaha oh this just keeps getting better. But he does have a point, "all that money you got, you could be doin' alotta shit other than tellin a 17 year old nigga to eat a ****."

My verdict is as long as Lupe Fiasco, Talib Kweli, The Roots, or Mos Def-like sounds are out there, then hip hop is alive and well. Blaming Soulja Boy for "single-handedly killing hip hop?" I can think of 100 other songs pre-2007 that are responsible for not killing but reducing the value of hip hop over the years. You can't blame a 17 year old for taking those influences and applying them to his music. So "if you think it's dead, SAVE IT! REVIVE IT!"

The reason hip hop is dead is...

...according to Ice-T, it's soulja boy.
You better believe I was rolling on the floor when he hit hurricane chris' beads. haha! "Man up!"
oh man.

Let dreams be dreams.

Photo Location: Masai Mara National Reserve

Last night I had the most disturbing dream to date. I usually don't talk about my bad dreams but this one was especially traumatic. If you don't already know, I can recollect almost every one of my dreams with perfect detail. I attribute the lovely fact that my dreams usually flow like some kind of movie...
It seemed like it was going to be the best dream ever. We were in the perfect location, the Masai Mara, and I had just spotted the illusive leopard. I've never seen one in the wild... not that I can remember anyway so this was beyond exciting. For some reason, we were on top of a tree (don't ask) and our van was at the bottom. Our tour guide was no where to be found and we were not phased by this. So my mother, some unidentified person, and I were on top of this gorgeous tree overlooking a breathtaking savannah during sunset. It all seemed perfect until we realized that it was sunset... in the wild... where the same creatures we were admiring minutes before were the ones doing the admiring. Who could blame them, three healthy women all alone in the wild sound very appetizing indeed. Remember that leopard I mentioned earlier? Well if you don't already know, leopards fancy keeping their kill above ground in a tree. And here were three brilliant entrées that have delivered themselves to its dinner table of choice. We decided to stay in the tree instead of running to the van... why? I don't know. Maybe it was the hyenas that convinced us.
You can imagine what happened after that. I lived and so did the unidentified person... the leopard wasn't so lucky (yea boy! I killed that ho!). My mother was in serious condition. My brother came looking for us with our tour guide (bastard!) at dawn which makes me wonder where he was in all this anyway?
Needless to say, it wasn't a very happy ending.

Thank God for Canadians!

So I first heard Justin Nozuka in 2007 and was immediately blown away. Anyway, my trusty iTunes reminded me of his existence today. His voice has a slight R&B soul to it. Very Jason Mraz-like with his acoustic guitar but way more youthful. Which is another reason (I tell you it eats me alive) I should have gone to SXSW.
Where you probably first caught a glimpse: for my Degrassi fans (another reason to love the Canadians), you might have seen him for a split second playing one of Chester's brothers (yes there were three of him running around that set lol).

So for ze Amurricans who haven't heard of him unless you watch mtvU or vh1 that often...or who just generally don't venture outside the realm of Kiss FM (most of mes amis and you know it!), here is le video for his "Mr. Therapy Man."

...and just too keep it in the family, here is his bro George Nozuka's "Last Time".

The K will be jamming out to Justin a little more though.

Why? Why? WHY?!?!

Must you give them another reason?
...and since when is Johnny Cash his "main man?"

"Anything is possibaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

...aaaaaaaaaaaaaale"

"Chai and halwa" all around lol.

The art of douchery

[The following is an example of caffeine induced mindless jabber... read at your peril]

I have been reflecting recently on the difference between being a douche and just being truthful. It is true that many people confuse the two. It is also true that many use both as an excuse to deny reality. For example, a douche might say he is being truthful. On the other hand, one who hears truth will brush it off as an example of douchery.

I'd like to think I tell the truth (big bro might disagree) when I'm engaging in various acts of douchery.
For example, "heckling" the rangers at a home game vs the braves. Some might find that me displaying my lack of affection for the sorry team is an act of douchery... especially since it was a sisterhood event. However, I was only telling the truth. You see, I couldn't give a damn about baseball. I was told that it would be a much better experience watching it at the stadium vs watching it on the telly. First, I don't even watch it on the tube let alone buy a ticket to a game. Secondly, if I did happen to partake in Amurrica's pass-time, I think I would take into consideration my utter disdain for Tom Hicks in choosing a team. But, anything for my sisters right? This being said, we did have good seats and the adorable child in the row infront of us was nothing short of adorable... even though he did drop his pacifier on the ground and we tried to get him not to put it back in his mouth. I guess yelling "NOOOOO!" isn't very effective.

I believe that there is a pretty thick line between being a douche and telling the truth. There is a small population of the world that tells the truth without being a douche... meaning most of the world (including me) either stands on the line or lives on the other side.

[yes this was totally meaningless... shoot me.]

Just for laughs

"Momma I made it!"

Photo: Joe Murphy/ NBAE/ Getty Images

I have refrained from sports rants for quite a while but this one is just too good to pass up.
First I would like to pass my condolences to some crazy Laker fans in my family. I know this meant a lot to you but those punks deserve to loose. I would also like to congratulate myself for making brilliant picks--I had predicted it was going to be a Laker-Celtics final and I was criticized for that... and lookey here I was right! I also predicted Celtics in game 6...and once again I was right! So big ups to all my haters!

Anyway... I made a few comments during half time saying that Boston will lead by 50 points. I knew it was a long shot but not so far from the 39 they lead by. Now I thought this was the NBA Finals... I would think the Lakers would play like it was the NBA finals, like it was a must win game. That was just appaling... OH THE HORROR!!! Where was the defense? You should know by now NEVER LEAVE RAY ALLEN ALONE BY THE 3-POINT LINE! Have you no idea how potent he is from that range? Sasha, Sasha, Sasha. WTF SASHA! I get it the first two times you do that... but he did it like what times in a row? And you just let him go?
I must say, deciding not to guard Rondo worked out tremendously for you. So did underestimating his quickness. I mean it was steal, after steal, after steal. Not to mention the number of offensive rebounds the dude got.

In short, they deserved it. I rarely feel anything when I watch games of teams I don't support but when Michelle Tafoya (I'll get into her in another post) attempted to get something out of Kevin and all he could muster was "Momma I made it! I made it Ma!" my heart melted. Once more, when he embraced Bill Russell and said "I got my own," nothing but respect came from me.

So congratulations to all the Boston fans...
Which brings me to my next point. Where have all these fans popped up from? I mean I'm not even gonna pretend like I care about the Celtics because I don't. The truth is there are fans... and there are "fans." So I'm talking about "fans." I know that many of my friends have become "fans" over the course of this season... mostly toward the end when they realized that Boston actually have something. Die hard Mavericks fans disbanded as soon as the disastrous trade that basically ended their season unfolded. Many of them are now die hard Celtics "fans." Again, I won't pretend like I give a rat's behind about the NBA... because really I only start watching during the playoffs. Even then I couldn't care less. Back to the "fans" who hoot and holler like they have been a part of the team's history since they were in diapers. The same people that bet against said team, poked fun at said team, and probably can't name last season's starting lineup. I guess when you see a good thing, go for it. Let's just see how long those "fans" will stick around.

So all Boston fans (permanent and temporary): Eat, be merry, bask in the glory of the luck o' the Irish... yes I went there.

On a side note: I (as well as the entire Somali community in the US of A) truly believe that KG descended from our people... or the Sudanese... but I don't want to give him away to them just yet.
I will pay for any therapy needed for A-rod and Uncle Sam (by I will pay, I mean my mother will pay). Judging from the madness spewing out of his mouth, Samatar is clearly meshugga and will need personal sessions.

Something to think about

Some only dream of a love like this.

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا

كَرِيمًا (٢٣) وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا (٢٤

23) Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. (24) And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."
(سورة الإسراء: ٢٢ - ٢٤)



Soundtrack of the Day:
1. "Father and Daughter"- Paul Simon
2. "Circle of Life"- Carmen Twillie
3. "Love for a Child"- Jason Mraz
4. "All I Want is You"- Barry Louis Polisar
5. "Never Went to Church"- The Streets
6. "Papa Loves Mambo"- Perry Como
7. "Superman"- Robin Thicke
8. "Die Alone"- Ingrid Michaelson
9. "Gone Til November"- Wyclef Jean
10. "Better Together"- Jack Johnson

Father and Daughter

Meet the dad

WARNING: If you are not used to me being mushy, I suggest you stop reading now.

I'm not so sure where to start with this.
I am truly blessed to have this man as my father. All my life, he has always been there for me, caring for me, supporting me, teaching me, and just plain loving me. I have nothing but love and respect for this man.

I was born to a rare gem. My father has always told me he loved me. I have known many people who have gone through life always wondering whether their father loved them. It is rare for a Somali man to outwardly profess his love for something, even his children. My father has no problem where other Somali men find embarassment. He even hugs me or holds my hand in public, very rare in our culture. He has never held a hand to me and I can remember only twice when he was truly disappointed with me.

One thing about him is that he doesn't get angry, he gets disappointed. I, personally, would have him yell at me a thousand times a day instead of an hour of his disappointment. Very recently, I felt what it would be like if my father cut me out of his life, and I can honestly say it was probably the worst day of my life. For that short period of time, I was numb. Instead of not feeling any pain, I was numb to everything else- I only felt pain. To have him there in body but not spirit was one of the worst things that could happen to me. In short, I took his love for granted, and paid for it dearly.

I remember sitting down on the floor with a colouring book I got of marine creatures at the museum. The sophisticated, colour coordinating number kind colouring books, not the big blob, one inch thick border so you don't get out of the lines type coloring books. Anyway, as I was colouring, he decided to come and sit down next to me and watch me colour. I handed him my red colour pencil and he began colouring the other page. I stopped doing what I was doing and watched him finish the page. I remember thinking "wow! That is the best colouring I have ever seen!"
My father has always been a big kid. His favourite cartoons are Tom and Jerry and the Looney Toons (old school versions). Even now, we can sit for hours watching Boomerang (you know, because cartoon network has gone down the drain and because boomerang is the channel for the old school cartoons). Just to see the large grin on his face is priceless.

If you know the colonel, you know he has a knack for storytelling. He seems to have had an adventurous life, what with zebras chasing him, outrunning baboons, herding goats, learning to fly before he can drive, negotiating with kidnappers, and painting lizards for fun etc. He has come from a line of brilliant military men (Royal Army...you know back in WWII and such) and has so far continued the legacy.

So now you know why I get really sad when I don't speak to him for more than two days, or why I have that sheepish grin when I see that it is his name flashing on my phone. Now you know why the song "Father and Daughter" means so much to me- I would start the song he would sing the "there has never been a father who loved his daughter more than I love you" part.

There are sperm donors and there are fathers and I have the best father I could ever dream of.

PS: I will master your signature one day!!!
I don't understand why but I can forge all sorts of signatures but my dad's has always been difficult for me to master.

Men of the Day: Fathers... true fathers.

Why all the hatred?

I have never been a big fan of my brother, Ali- everyone knows this by now. I have "the good brother" and "the brother I am forced to acknowledge."
As I am watching Spain vs Sweden, he says "whatever, you know nothing about soccer anyway."

Now if you know me, you realize that you can call me whatever you want, but I have a problem when my intelligence is insulted. Why is it so important to me? Well it is the one of the only things I can actually call mine. Nothing I have actually belongs to me, I have never paid for anything with money I worked for. My body doesn't belong to me, because in the end, it goes back to God. The only thing I have is my name and my intelligence.

It is very understandable when someone says, "you know nothing about neurosurgery," or something I actually have NO idea about. But don't mess with the shit I know! You can call me out on sports I don't actually care about... like curling, or bobsledding, football, or basketball even. Who gives you the right to question how much I know about soccer huh? What cuz you are a guy, you automatically know more than me when it comes to the sport? What cuz you have been paying attention to it way longer than I have... you realize you are 6 years older than me right? Need i remind you that you were never a Liverpool fan anyway. You spent most of your childhood rooting for Man U. Posters lined your closet of Beckham and Paul Scholes. What you think i forgot that. "They never showed liverpool games." Please! It is cuz Liverpool SUCKED back then and you know it! You went for the team that guaranteed you a win. So don't give me that bullshit. Where is your "loyalty", you closet Man U fan. Oh but don't forget about your man crush on Figo. You LOVED Real Madrid! You only started going for Liverpool when you were about 19 isn't that right? You were in Uni by then and clearly older than I am now.

And how dare you insinuate that I chose Spain because Fernando Torres plays for them. Don't hate cuz your beloved England got kicked out by a bunch of Croatians. Couldn't even get the deed done. "You mad? You hatin nigga? Well it's hard not to nigga!" Yes I just quoted Thugnificent.

So you see why it annoys me when he says "you don't know anything about soccer" or, "you don't even know swahili." I know my swa isn't the best, but dammit don't tell me I don't know it.

Sorry I had to get a little ignorant there with my use of "nigga" but anger brings out the worst in me. I will analyze the word in a later post.

Timmy!!!

R.I.P Tim Russert
Sunday mornings will never be the same.

You Know Who surfaces

...in Kenya!
AAAAAAAH! AVADA KEDAVRA Y'ALL!

So I have been waiting until someone brought this up so it doesn't sound like mindless news. Apparently the world has just caught on to the fact that witch hunts occur in Kenya... much like when Fudge kept denying Voldemort's return and only realized what was going on a little too late. Most recently, 15 people were killed by a mob of over 100 people. Before that, 11 were burned to death as part of this witch hunt hysteria. Witch doctors, witchcraft, and general juju/ voodoo are common in Kenya and many African countries for that matter. For example, in Tanzania, they hunt albinos for their "powers." Basically, they decapitate and mutilate their bodies, take whatever parts they need and use in their mystical practices. However, in Kenya, the people are killed just for the hell of it. There is usually no evidence of actual witchcraft. Many members of the mob are family members, trying to get revenge or a piece of land. So if you don't like someone... say you saw them chanting around a ring of bones and that is all the evidence you need. I find it quite contradictory that they "hunt witches" when witchcraft and such are kind of a big deal in that culture.
I sound pretty casual about that but T.I.A (This is africa). I am no stranger to such events. When you are exposed to people generally walking around with pangas (machetes), killing people aimlessly, you become desensitized to these things. Not saying that people walked around me chopping off heads or anything but T.I.A. There are no rules, only guidelines. Mob mentality overrules reasoning.

The west is playing this out like the people are savages- God forbid! Witch hunts?!? That would never happen here!
...umm almost every modern civilization has been witness to some form of mass hysteria in the form of witch hunts. Europe alone had witch hunts resulting in tens of thousands of deaths. The U.S of A is not a stranger to witch hunts either. So spare me the African native judgment.

I'm sorry if this seems cold, but after more than a 1,500 people have been killed, about 600,000 displaced, and 140,000 homeless after post election violence in Kenya... witch hunts are just another list of the problems the country has to deal with.

"TSIA!!!"
(you Africans know what that sound means lol)

Photo Credit: www.davidwallphoto.com

Holes to Heaven

Photo Location: Masai Mara National Reserve, Kenya. Best vacation I ever had.

"The planet's talking about a revolution/ The natural laws aint got no constitution/ They've got a right to live their life but we keep paving over paradise."-Jason Mraz

No Tomfoolery Today

Soundtrack of the Day:
"Shit Luck"- Modest Mouse
"Wouldn't it be Nice"- The Beach Boys
"Supermassive Black Hole"- Muse
"Helicopter"- Bloc Party
"Idlewild Blue"- Outkast
"Show Me"- John Legend

Today, the world said, "let's make Khadija think she will have a good day and crush her hopes."
Ok so it wasn't that bad, but I had my share of mishaps today. Got up to make tea as usual and as I start pouring the milk, I lose balance and spill some of the milk on the ground. No big deal, I can clean that ho up. The tea was too hot for me to drink so as I go to cool it, I somehow stop paying attention for a second and there goes my tea all over the counter. Meh... no problem, there is more tea.
I go out and buy salmon... only to come home and find that the salmon has an odd odor to it, leading me to believe that the fishmonger wasn't truthful about it being fresh. I cook the fish anyway, and everything seems to be going well. Then another accident, in the form of a burn, occurs. Not the end of the world- my skin will regenerate after all.

Le burn

The fish ends up tasting like shit. Now I'll have you know that my fish is usually on point, perfectly seasoned and cooked. But nooooo because the fish was shitty in the first place, it ends up poisoning the entire dish! No amount of lemon can drown the taste. I try to explain to the family what happened, in an effort to keep them from eating the filthy beast, but they eat it anyway (savages!). I would rather not take the risk...
So in the end, I decide that I'd rather have a subway sandwich...

On a more positive note, Adidas sells Kenya shoes... so to match with my jacket, I will order these beauties. God truly blessed the world with Adolf (Adidas) and Rudy (Puma) Dassler.

Man of the Day: Shia LaBeouf who turned 22 yesterday... so does that make him man of yesterday? Whatever whatever, I do what I want!

Sports Update: I didn't watch much football today... I know GASP. Germany lost to Croatia and Austria and Poland drew.

CELTICS beat LAKERS yet again... boy was I right when I said the magic died in L.A a long time ago.